LOCKED-ON Magazine




Gunner - Editor and Chief



“Hi everyone – thank you for visiting LOCKED-ON Magazine. This Special Issue is non-political in nature and simply produced for fun. Therefore I am not distributing this issue to our 18,000 plus subscribers but rather sending it to my friends, fellow veterans, and fellow bikers.”


“Many of you know that I have the great honor of being a member of the Wings of Gold Motorcycle Club (Ft. Lauderdale Chapter) - the honor is amplified by the fact that my chapter is the Mother Chapter and our President, Mr. Tattoo Dave Amchir, is not only our chapter president but serves as the National President as well.”


“My chest always swells with pride when I think about the club's achievements within our community. Such as our annual Toy Run which draws 40,000 motorcycles. The proceeds from the Toy Run is always good for a half million dollars and thus far we have donated 10 million to the Joe DiMaggio Children’s Hospital.”


“Saturday April 10th, 2010 marked the occasion of the annual South East Police Motorcycle Rodeo. Proceeds from this event go to COPS (Concerns Of Police Survivors) – scholarships, etc., for children of police officer’s killed in the line of duty.”


“Police departments from all over the South East region compete in rider skills aboard 800 pound machines. Wings of Gold have served as the Official Judges for 20 years and the 2010 competition marked my 4th year as a judge.”





Each year Judges wear a different colored cap. Here's my humble collection.

L to R 2007 2008 2009 2010


Being a judge has its rewards but it can also be a thankless job. Standing on asphalt in the hot sun all day - or taking care of a hot little split-tail needing the comfort of a masculine embrace. (Its a dirty job but someone has to do it!)

Dirty Old Man
2008 Photo by Snips



. . . and speaking of dirty old men. Our chapter has a small cadre of motorcycle riders over the age of 60. We're affectionately known as the "Saggy Balls Brigade" The SBB wear a special pin - "Wings with Saggy Testicles."

Saggy Balls Brigade

Judge - Dave The Kid - Bobby - Gunner
2008 Photo by Snips

We do have one Probationary member of the SBB, brother "T-Bone"
Our esteemed colleague has yet to reach the magic age but is close enough to receive a Probie pin - Wings with Saggy Tits!!!

T-Bone gets his Probie Pin
2008 Photo by Snips


I hope I have been able to provide a glimpse into the camaraderie and fellowship one feels as a member of Wings of Gold. That being said, let’s see this year’s rodeo.









I arrived promptly at 0730. Some of my brothers know of my predilection toward consuming Vodka and Cornflakes for breakfast and since I was grinning like a baby in a barrel full of titties – I was told to report for testing.


Just kidding.

(I don’t like cornflakes.)










One can always count on Brother Digger being in a good mood especially when he has to get up in the wee hours of the morning at Zero Dark Thirty.


All I said was “Good morning bro.”









The first order of business was to set up the Chow Hall.





Chocolate and Stelle (wearing Colors)



Proceeds from the sale of food and drinks are donated to the C.O.P.S. Organization.

(Woggers are good people) Members of Wings Of Gold are called WOGgers.





Dave The Kid - Tattoo Dave - Joey




Its always a beehive of activity prior to the event especially on Competitor’s Row. Riders psych themselves up for individual competition and plan strategy for team competition.







Winning the competition provides “Bragging Rights” for a whole year therefore each Law Enforcement agency provides a great deal of event support.



Fort Lauderdale P.D.

Palm Beach County S.O.

Sunrise P.D.

Coral Springs P.D.

Boca Raton P.D.


Here’s my hometown department. Yes kiddies I live on the Indian Reservation. My Indian name is “Man Born with Plastic Spoon in Mouth.”






Seminole P.D.



If one has to explain the exhilaration of having an 800 pound motorcycle between your legs to a non-rider . . . they wouldn’t understand. There is only "ONE" between the legs exhilaration that surpasses a motorcycle.



Hammered by a Biker - Bikers Rule

Broward County S.O.

Palm Beach County S.O.

Coral Springs P.D.

Seminole P.D.

Mayberry S.O.

The event begins with the Drum and Fife Corps (That's pronounced "Core" not "Corpse" as the charlatan in the Oval Office would say)




The formation played a great rendition of America the Beautiful. The guy wearing blue jeans is another Jenny Craig success story.






Next came the Honor Guard. You have no idea how choked-up I got when our Flag came into view and police officers and bikers alike came to attention, placed their hands over their hearts or saluted. They remained in that position while we recited the Pledge of Allegiance. My eyes became moist when emphasis was placed on the phrase “one nation . . . UNDER GOD!”






The woman in the white top wearing shades sang our National Anthem. We all maintained the position of respect to our nation and flag as she vocalized our anthem. Cops and bikers are loyal and patriotic Americans. In fact our Wings Of Gold emblem prominently displays our flag.






Here’s a photo of the memorial service for the 13 people shot to death by Muslim Army Major Nidal Hasan at Fort Hood. This photo was taken as the Honor Guard passed the reviewing stand. Notice the military officers saluting our flag and the civilian with his hand properly placed over his heart in a show of respect to our flag.


And then notice the Charlatan in Chief . . . he’s playing with his pecker.






 . . . and it isn’t Barack HUSSEIN Obama’s debut at disrespecting our flag or National Anthem. This photo was taken during the campaign. During the playing of the anthem Governor Richardson and Hillary Clinton and the other lady had their hands placed over their hearts. Obama was playing with his pecker again. This is a still photo taken from an ABC News crew video. During the entire anthem, not once did the charlatan’s hand move away from his groin.








My friends please excuse my small diversion into the political arena. I spent virtually all of my adult life serving my country missing more holidays with my family than I care to remember. Concepts like duty and honor are indelibly embedded. To see this shyster flagrantly disrespecting our flag pains me to the core of my soul. The only word that fits is despicable.


LOCKED-ON Magazine has but one mission - distribute the truth to the people enabling them to make an informed decision in the voting booth.


By the way, the reason I used a white frame around the Obama photos is because it happens to be the color of the only flag liberal-socialists will unite behind.


Back to the rodeo.







Hey fellas . . . don't you agree. There’s something sexy about a “Crack” Troop (on the right) in uniform carrying a Chrome Plated M1 Garand Rifle.







After the opening ceremony it was time for the rider’s meeting. The Private in the foreground (with hands on the barricade) got hypnotized watching the flashing beacon.

(The little officer in the center really had to take a leak bad)






Being the kind of guy that I am . . . I couldn’t pass up a golden opportunity such as this to do something for my brother bikers. I nonchalantly walked over to the Private and planted a subliminal hypnotic suggestion. I whispered in his ear – “You will never never give a ticket to a biker whose bitch is riding with an open container.”




"Here Come Duh Judge"

Brother Judge



There are two courses. Both consisting of obstacles which the rider must negotiate, one course is timed. Judges are place at strategic points around a given obstacle and watch the rider as he or she runs through the obstacle. Simply brushing up against a cone is a two point deduction. Putting a foot on the ground - three points. Knocking a cone over - five points. Dropping the bike - ten point deduction.


If you think its easy - think again!


This Seminole Motor Officer is scrapping his floor boards on the ground, his fork is pegged and the vast majority of motorcyclists would dump their bikes in an attitude such as this. But not these guys. The idea is to execute a 180 degree turn in this little bitty circle.


To win the Individual "Mister Rodeo" title both courses must be negotiated flawlessly. About 50% of the riders do so.






This is “Ice Pick” – Brother Ice Pick has the distinction of not only performing the above maneuver flawlessly . . . he did it with his eyes CLOSED!


Any questions as to why the Police Rodeo Association only wants Wings Of Gold as Judges?





Ice Pick



We boast the finest riders in the state. It isn’t by chance. Our Vice-President puts on a members only rodeo about every two months. Although there is a competitive spirit what we’re really doing is honing our skills and learning motorcycle safety.





Greg (Vice Pres) - Joey (Sgt at Arms) - Redneck


Under Greg’s tutelage and the watch full eye of our Road Captain’s (safety officers) we have a phenomenal safety record. Think of 60 to 80 motorcycles in a two row pack running at 75 mph on I-95 with just a few feet separating each bike.


Make no mistake, our female riders are equal in every aspect and possess the same skills as our male riders. In fact they are highly respected motorcyclists. Here are two of our sweethearts executing a tight 180.



Sister Snips
Brother Motorman critiques - he's a motorcycle cop

Sister J.R.





















Here’s how the judging works. Each line judge is responsible for a portion of the obstacle. When the rider finishes his or her run, the obstacle captain looks at each judge who in turn signal the captain with points deduction or if the obstacle was cleared with a no faults signal.


Mobile judges follow each rider through the course and the captains give them the final tally for each obstacle.




Exiting an obstacle isn’t easy either. Just a few inches between saddlebags and crash bars and the cones. It’s easy to clip a cone and lose points.




Some of the mobile judges.

J.R. and Slacker

Lisa and Trash

This was my assigned obstacle. Ice Pick was my obstacle Captain. 


The Competition


DISCLAIMER: We will not impugn the integrity of the judging. Therefore since I was a judge I was unable to take photographs of the competition, however I am posting photos of a previous competition. Photo credits to Sister Snips.

This is the Double Secret "How they hanging bro" hand signal.




Judges must be very diligent and watch their area like a hawk.











Notice the Wings Of Gold trailer.


Knock just one pylon over and your chances of winning go into the dumper.


Knock two pylons over and you're toast.


Into every life a little rain must fall. Also known as the dreaded "Aw Shit!" moment.


WTF . . . there's always next year!




Of the 112 riders in this year’s competition I only saw 3 bikes go down. All in all it was a great event. No one got hurt, the food was good, an abundance of eye candy (scantly clad babes) were present and a terrific time was had by all.


The best yardstick to measure whether or not an event is noteworthy is to gaze toward the heavens. If you spot an airship . . . the event is noteworthy.









"Thank you for reading LOCKED-ON. Until next time, ride safe, check six and may God bless our troops, the United States of America and each and everyone of you."







Special Message from Gunny Hartman



“All right you maggots . . . listen up cuz I’m only gonna say this once. If you think you’re an American, if you think you are a patriot . . . then get up off your ass and help us vote this major malfunctioning numb nuts out of the oval office in 2012. Don’t forget to exercise your privilege to vote in the mid-term this year. We can take back the house and stop this socialist insanity. We need you.”


“Subscribe to LOCKED-ON (as in target acquisition – locked on). Learn the truth about the High Crimes and Misdemeanors of Democratic Party and Charlatan in the oval office.”


Semper Fi  




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